Gay stealthing

by Andrea M. Darcy

A sexual run-in sees you the victim of stealthing.  You are upset, but you didn’t catch an STI, you aren’t pregnant, so you opt the best thing is to just put it behind you.

But it’s not always that easy. Stealthing can take a grave psychological toll we need to speak to.

The meaning of stealthing

The other person might try to tell you that they  ‘accidentally’ took off the condom, or were ‘so drunk they weren’t thinking straight’, or ‘they thought you wouldn’t mind’. Stealthing is not an accident but a premeditated act and perpetrators tend to be repeat offenders. 

Nor is it a ‘just a part of the homosexual scene’ that you need to ‘get over’ (although it is important to recognise that the gay community has a different history around consent issues, discussed well in this article.) 

These are all just excuses to hide the fact that a sexual partner taking off the condom, or purposely damaging it without your knowledge and explain consent, is a violation that can be

Stealthing Is a Disturbing Aspect of Gay Sexual Culture. But Calling It a Clear-Cut Crime Won’t Solve the Problem.

In May, a new paper in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law sparked outrage about stealthing—defined as a penetrative partner removing or tampering with a condom during sex without a receptive sexual partner’s knowledge or consent. Treating the issue as a growing trend, media outletsshared dozens of stories about victims of stealthing, both straight and gay. Most of the gay men presented understandably saw stealthing as, in the words of paper creator Alexandra Brodsky, a “disempowering, demeaning violation of a sexual agreement” that put them at exposure for sexually transmitted infections in a community where anxiety about HIV runs particularly deep.

But while most of the coverage rightly highlighted people who were victims of clear cases of assault, it largely excluded meaningful perception from people who had initiated the act, and it did not attempt to understand the motivations behind condom subversion. Indeed, the only glimpse into the mind of the stealther that readers were offered came from online trolls who, in the words of Brodsky, brashly rejoice the “i

What is stealthing?

The key points

• The definition or meaning of the word 'stealthing' is when someone removes a condom during sex without the other person's agreement or lies about having put one on in the first place.
• Stealthing is rape under English and Welsh law. This means that someone who carries it out can be prosecuted for rape.
• Like all rape, stealthing is a very serious crime that carries a maximum sentence of life in prison.
• 'Stealthing' is a slang pos, not a legal word. The legal term for this act is 'rape'.

Looking for help after stealthing or feeling confused? You can talk to us.

What the law in England and Wales says about stealthing

Stealthing is rape under English and Welsh statute – and therefore illegal.

'Stealthing' is not a legal term and there is no criminal offence called 'stealthing'.

Under English and Welsh law, the act of stealthing is considered rape. This means that anyone who carries out stealthing can be prosecuted for the criminal offence of rape. This is a very serious crime which carries the same maximum sentence as murder: experience in prison.

Conditional consent

The Sexual

What Are Grey Rape and Stealthing?

This article was updated in 2022. The first was published in 2017.

Stealthing and grey rape are two terms defining forms of sexual aggression. Stealthing is an alarming form of sexual assault. Grey rape is an excuse that many argue rapists operate to justify their actions.

What is Stealthing?

“Stealthing” describes the perform of a male partner removing the condom before or during sex without getting consent from his partner. It’s also called “non-consensual condom removal.” Sometimes instead of just removing the condom, the abuser will purposefully damage the condom by poking holes in it⁠—possibly while it’s still in the authentic packaging. Removing or damaging a condom exposes the female victim to sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. Stealthing can be considered a form of reproductive coercion.

“I’ve had victims tell me about this happening. But they haven’t had proper terminology for it,” says domestic violence advocate Christina Voors, who notes it is “definitely a shape of sexual assault.” 

A 2014 study reported that nine percent of the young male participants engaged in some form of condom sabotage, which